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Thursday, June 25th, 2009
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10:10 pm - Forecast:
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In the car on the way to today's playdate, DS informed me that, "sometimes the pictures in my head look like the future."
-Really, I replied. Like what?
-Well, I can't tell you.
-OK, I understand, sometimes you just want to keep things to yourself. That's okay.
(DS is prince of secrets - he often will respond to "what did you do at school today? with, "It's a secret," or "I'm not going to tell you.")
No, I just don't know what the words are for it.
-Hm. Ok, I said.
Well, it's a picture of a train rushing forward.
(I think to myself, yes, that seems right to me)
After a pause, he added, and then I see a smile at the end of it.
Yehi ratzon - may it be God's will.....
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
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12:16 am - The Annals of Bathtime:the facts of life edition?
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The new phrase of the week: when presented with some tasty tidbit, my DS has several times announced "I am a bumblebee, and this [ice cream cone, actual example] is a flower and I am eating the nectar."
'nuff said.
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| Sunday, May 24th, 2009
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12:59 am - Stuck on You!
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Last week, the DS turned - after many weeks of anticipation- 5. Nevertheless, last week was not a convenient time for a party, so it was delayed until tomorrow. SO, this week, we ended up doing some shopping for birthday-related items. The great thing about five, is that the dollar store makes him just as happy as pretty much anything else. It hadn't actually been my plan to get his birthday present at the dollar store, but rather to see if I could get some cheap pinata candy there - that didn't actually happen (- dollar store candy trends to be unrecognizable, non-hechshered (i.e. not kosher) brands, or else not wrapped individually) but while we were there the DS found a toy that he wanted - strangely enough, it was the speed-racer related stuff with which he has been obsessed for several weeks - he's apparently moved on from that- but rather some extremely cheap toy trucks that stick out their tongue when you press them a certain way.
I was really dubious about this as a present, but he told me that "they were stuck on his heart." He was completely serious, so much so that he also insisted that we should buy the same thing as a gift for one of his classmates who has her birthday party the same day a few hours later. She is a "tomboy" and will probably like it, although my intention is to try and get something not dollar store related before either party tomorrow, as well.
Today, on the way back from the swimming pool (first day open this year!) he mentioned the stuck on his heart thing again. He explained that he had magnets in his heart and that they stuck to wood, metal and his abba (father). Not, however, his mother, he carefully explained. I was disappointed to hear this, but perhaps I just need to get a different kind of body material. Do you suppose plastic trucks would do?
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| Monday, May 11th, 2009
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10:07 pm - Big ass webs of love: Annals of Bathtime
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1. My DS some time relatively recently (maybe a few months ago) was taught the ASL sign for I"I love you" - a contraction of the letters "I" "L" and "Y"
He has also recently been playing with one of his little friends who has a superhero fixation. Apparently it's usually batman, but this time he came home as spiderman. DS noticed something about spiderman's web-slinging gesture: it makes one's hand make the same shape as the ASL sign for "I love you" So for mother's day he shot me all over with "heart-shaped webs." It actually took me a bit to catch on to this.
Tonight when I came home from work, after bedtime, I was greeted (unusually - if he's awake at that hour, he's usually not very pleasant) as he bolted down the stairs to shoot me with spiderwebs of love.
2.I don't think I posted about this already (too lazy to check) but about a year ago, my DS started imitating - well guess who... DH, of course... and say things were "big ass:" "that's a bigass truck," would be a common example.
That disappeared for a while - I hadn't heard it in quite some time. But yesterday it made a reappearance in spades. We had several descriptions of ordinary household objects described as "bigass," joined by the new compound adjective, "Coolass."
Many objects are now either bigass or coolass. Hmm. I guess it's going to be a longass week.
current mood:  amused
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| Saturday, May 2nd, 2009
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9:32 pm - My name is Inigo Montoya.....
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Today, my DS informed me first that was only to be called "shemengwah BLEAH!" then he decided, no that wasn't it, his name was actually "Bobo [sic] Fett" ( where he has heard about boba fett, I have no idea) , but finally settled, very firmly on Michael the police car.
The child has a perfectly nice name, but he seems periodically to be driven to be called Michael. I have no idea why. He's a little young to be embarrassed by an unusual name (besides, in the circles we're in, it's not all that unusual).
P.S. I know that I'm old now. I turned down two free tickets (that I won) to a show that I really wanted to see, because I realized that I'd be too tired to get up for work tomorrow,and I decided it was just too much trouble to metro into DC for a show that began at ten pm. I am now fully qualified as old, old, old.
To my credit, I did try to find someone to take them. Other evidence that I'm old: I couldn't find anyone.
current mood:  disappointed
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| Saturday, April 25th, 2009
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10:51 pm - Yes, *that* situation: update, still somewhat TMI
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So we appear to be out of teh woods. After finally deciding we had to go to the doctor to take care of the non-resolving problem, we were given the very non-exciting advice: Have DS drink a lot, eat fruit that begins with "P" ("Plums, prunes, peaches, raisins" -but persimmons and pineapples, despite starting with "p" unlike raisins, were not listed) give him a stool softener. And don't eat too many bindy things (rice was specifically mentioned) We got home and since I was hosting an out of town guest speaker that night, we went off to our local vegan Chinese place. At supper, DS decided to order a rather lot amount of food (I'm amazed that he kept on eating pretty regularly throughout this ordeal, I think the doctor was, also, although she seemed to take that and the lack of reverse removal as a good sign) including rice. I insisted on brown, which in the past he hasn't liked, and that ended up being most of what he ate, along with the inexplicable order of carrot juice, which he turns out to like rather a lot. He drink a lot of the juice and while I tried to dissuade him, ate a ton of rice, and then at the end when he was looking quite happily satisfied, I decided he looked a little er, clenched, so I insisted on going to the bathroom, where I was able to pronounce him cured (at least until the next day, as he now seems to have decided that elimination is optional, and has to be told to go sit on the toilet periodically. Because of that, we did decide to use the stool softener after all. Baruch HaShem, it apparently has no taste and can be handily mixed into grape juice.
Tomorrow: the results (just kidding, we seem to have passed into the territory of normal unpleasantness now, and so do not require further reportage....)
current mood: relieved
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| Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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9:28 pm - omg! (Expect TMI)
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I began the day by discussing -with my two supervisors- exactly all those things that you are disgusted by when you are childless, that you do after you become a parent. In my favor, I'm not the one who made the retch-catch gesture first.
Do I have to elaborate?
The origin of this discussion was because one of them had been inquiring into my poor DS' health, after I confessed to her last night the after efects of too many matzahballs.
Yes, that's right. My little son, having spent all of Passover eating the tasty, delightful matzahballs that he made, all by himself (pretty much, really!), sans the soup tht they're supposed to be eaten with, and follow that with the thing that is in pretty much every kosher for passover fod - eggs, yes, he has ceased to Pass Things Through.
At first we weren't too worried aboutthis, we gave him prune juice (which he hates). When that didn't work, we tried to get him to swallow a stool softening pill, but that's really a lot to expect from a four year old and it didn't work. Then, the prune juice started to work... sort of. It didn't cure the original condition, but stuff started to... how can I put this? Leak.
That's when we tried the enema. My advice... don't ever try to give a four year old an enema. And to be fair, the kid was a trouper, he held still for it. yes, he did. It was the fact that it didn't really help and was clearly very unpleasant that made it so awful. He was screaming and crying even as he's trying to do what we asked him to. Oh, it was heartbreaking.
SO yesterday, after all this.. we thought we were done... but then came the accidents - I can't really tell whether it's leftover fro the enema or, as an article DH found suggests, it means that there's a blockage further up that didn't come out, and that's just what's er, squirting around the sides.
It's just too awful, so we emailed his doctor, and are waiting to hear back. I'm hoping that today there were no more accidents, but there was er, passage, so I can go back to complaining about having to slash my already incredibly slender budget for next year.
current mood: sympathetic
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| Saturday, April 11th, 2009
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10:48 pm - Proud Ima....
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On the 500th repetition watching the movie Cars:
We really have seen this movie a lot. I believe it might actually be the first movie my DS ever saw, and certainly the one he's seen most often. It's actually a charming little film - the Lightening McQueen character really grows during the course of the movie. Towards the end (spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it and you're planning to and care, don't read on) when McQueen and Chick Hicks and The King are in their final race and Hicks pushes the King off the race track and wrecks him and McQueen slams on the brakes and refuses to win in favor of pushing the King over the finish line, there's a scene in which the big company (Dinoco) offers McQueen their sponsorship, and he says, in surprise, "But I didn't win!"
The movie of course has a response to this, but my DS didn't wait for it. Tonight, he interrupted and announced, "He's wrong!"
I thought he was going to insist that McQueen did win (he can sometimes be obsessed by "winning" in the games he plays with his toys), but DS's father, wiser than I, asked him what he meant, and DS responded, "He won by doing the right thing instead and helping someone else."
All together now: AWWWWWWWWWW!
current mood: touched
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| Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
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10:14 am - Language lesson
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Phrase of the month
having to do with decapitation...
most conversations these days are punctuated with a variation of the following phrases:
"I'll cut your (his, its...) head off!" "My (her, their) head fell off"
Proper usage:
"I ate so much, my head fell off!"
If you don't read me a book right now, I'll cut my (or your) head off!"
Apparently this is making the rounds among the DS's little friends. Some of the parents seem to be bothered rather strenuously by it. Not that it doens't get annoying after a while, but I don't think it's actually indicative of pathology.
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10:10 am - The Annals of Bathtime: bedtime books
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A recent trip to the library turned up a sweet book about dumpster diving (!) which we have read obsessively for the last few weeks. As part of the plot, there is a grumpy lady next door who scowls every time she gets a chance at these dumpster diving kids and their friend for removing trash from the building dumpster.
On two pages there is a pair of pictures comparing the apartments of grumpy lady versus Steve (the dumpster diving friend). Grumpy lady declares that Steve's apartment is full of junk! and ponders why Steve can't go and buy things like good normal people do.
My DS after a few repetitions of this, says, "Her apartment is full of junk too. Hers is just NEW junk!"
current mood: amused
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| Saturday, March 21st, 2009
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9:04 pm - Annals of Bathtime: at dawn
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This morning I was awakened by my DS around 6:30 or so, who had wandered into the bedroom, stood by the side of the bed (I'm not quite sure what he did to wake me up - most likely shook me a bit) and announced, "I didn't flush the toilet because I know it's loud and didn't want to wake you up!"
Thank you my sweet!
Later today, we were visited by Kosher Cop, who was, as usual, feeling doomish (his word), they spent some time playing "Agent Special of Doom" singing his special "Agent Special of Doom" theme song.
Mr. Adorable had a very unadorable moment when he and Kosher Cop were supposed to go out to the playground, and instead Mr. Adorable had a big temper tantrum because he didn't want to wear his coat. But it all eventually got worked out. At the playground Mr. Adorable decided to take pictures using he special "Speed Racer" truck, which shoots cars out at you when used as a camera. But the best part was when Kosher Cop decided he wanted to be in the picture and so jumped in front when Mr. Adorable was trying to "take pictures" of me and Chaya Bluma. Can Kosher Cop really be a bit of a ham?
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| Saturday, March 7th, 2009
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9:41 pm - Annals of Bathtime
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Well, not really. THis is actually annals of riding in the car time.
Yesterday leaving the house to take everyone to their various destinations, DH was driving, DS was in teh abckseat, and I noticed as we pulled out of our parking space that parked behind us, on a yellow curb, almost blocking the entire street on that side ( we had to make a U-turn and go down the other side of the street to leave, but no one was going to be able to get into the space we were leaving) was a rather nice car, that had clearly been parked late the night before when there were no spaces left in the convenient parking area, and rather than walk a coupld of hundred yards this person had decided to just park wherever the hell they wanted. I looked and said in astonishment (because we live in an area where local authorities give out tickets pretty handily) is she really parked in the middle of the street like that???
My DS, who clearly has spent too much time in the car with his father, who has an uncontrollably (and often foul) mouth, said, (remember, this is a four year old) That's a really nice car. Maybe she thought her car was so beautiful that it need to win a prize ticket for beauty.
Hmm. I thought four year olds didn't DO sarcasm...?
current mood: amused
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| Saturday, January 24th, 2009
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9:25 pm - Mr. Conclusion and the Horns of Doom
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On shabbat (Friday night to Saturday night) we don't drive, but some of our friends do, and so we often invite the Kosher Whine family to visit, and very much enjoy their company. Kosher cop is one of DS's two best buddies, and so a Saturday afternoon spent together is very pleasant for all of us, not least of all we grownups, who don't have to spend the day thinking of ways to entertain 4/5 year-olds.
But the best part is over hearing the conversations in which we are not participating, while we pleasantly while away the hours on Scrabble or somesuch. Today was a particularly bonus day. In fact, as the hours passed, Chaya Bluma, Kosher Cook, and I and my partner were convinced that the overheard conversations must be the beginning of a particularly amusing pulp science fiction/fantasy novel.
What on earth most of it meant, I couldn't tell you, but here's a sample:
Some sort of game where KosherCop was "Mr. Conclusion" and my DS was "Mr. Adorable" (labeled by KosherCop, no less) the game involved using a tool called "The Horns of Doom." Some of it involved the Train of all Times.
"Doom" seems to be the word of... well, more than the week, certainly. It seems to be the preferred adjective/ noun for KosherCop and DS's classroom, since quite a few things are being labeled with it - we also had the Rocket of Doom as part of today's exercises.
Part of this game involved Mr Adorable being possessed by Greta Garbo, since he began speaking with a very peculiar accent: "Vot is dot?" he asked several times. (He also started singing what sounded like John Phillips Sousa music, but the words were all in Spanish (not sensible thoughts, just a jumble of words, which is his wont when singing - mostly when he sings it's purely for the sound).
There was also a great deal of references to "Gnomage," which Chaya Bluma decided must be what happens when you have a lot of lawn ornaments.
We also overheard KosherCop informing Mr. Adorable that "Babies don't add fiber." I don't actually want to know what that means, but as KosherCook, Chaya Bluma, DH and I are laughing hysterically, we got a very sassy set of responses from KosherCop, who was warned by his mother that his tone of voice was unacceptable, to which Mr. Adorable responded, "That isn't a tone of voice, it's a number!"
Need;ess to say, that didn't exactly tamp down the laughter.
The evening ended with the munchkins running in circles, sing-songing to more or less, but not exactly the tune of ring-around-the roses, "Shoelaces, Shoelaces, Someone might be dead!" I suppose that isn't actually any worse than the meaning of ring-around-the-roses, actually.
But the list of terms spurred the KosherWhine family and us to try to imagine the story that actually could be written based on the afternoon's inventions:
Something like:
While Mr. Adorable rode deep into the night on the Train of All Times, Mr. Conclusion and the Horns of Doom crept ever closer to the source of all the Gnomage. "My Gott!" Shouted Mr. Adorable as the train picked up speed, "Vot is Dot?"
A husky voice whispered, "It's not a tone of voice,it's a number.."
I encourage all readers to consider trying their hand at this exercise. Perhaps if any of them grab me, I'll turn it into a story and publish it. All credit given, of course.....
current mood: amused
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| Thursday, December 18th, 2008
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10:34 pm - The Duckie of DOom
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So, more from the Annals of Bathtime. Late last week, we were having another bath (more bath soup recipes, too!) As we were getting ready to get out (after 30 minutes of making soup) the DS said he wanted to play for a while first. Well, okay.
So he takes off the faucet the plastic duck that guards the faucet from stray head bonks (it was really more for when he was little. Now he mostly plays with it). He propped it up on the side of the tub and proposed to some of his cars: "Do you want to enter the Duckie of Doom?"
Me (*curious as to whether he knows what "Doom" means*): Doom? What's that?
DS: It's cobwebs and poison inside the duck.
Me:(*Does he know what cobwebs are?*): What are cobwebs?
DS: Webs made by cobs?
Me: What are cobs?
DS: Cobs, Cops, Police. Police make the webs.
Me: Really? How do the police make the webs?
DS: In their offices. They have a machine threader that spins around on a big wheel, and onto a little wheel, and then it comes out into a barrel (*this all sounds - and with the hand motions demonstrating- remarkably like a spinning wheel*) and the barrel is filled with poison which goes into the cobwebs, and then they put it into the duck. Then the people who go around the curve (*indicated by the curve of the bathtub*)too fast are being foolish and they fly into the Duckie of Doom and they have to stay there.
Me: really?
DS: Sometimes cars go into the Duckie for Protection.(*He then demonstrates by acting out a scenario in which cars go and hide in the Duckie of DOom before being placed into a parfait glass and drowned*)
current mood: amused
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
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9:56 pm - Annals of Bathtime
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I should make this a running subject tag because bathtime is just so amusing.
So, about two days ago, bathtime was DS being a soup chef. He invented several different kinds of soup. The most interesting one however, was, the hot papaya soup:
Papya, rosemary, and just a touch of hot pepper. His invention - anyone out there in tvland want to try it and let me know how it is? I might, myself. I'll let you know if I do.
Tonight we had a reprise of the soup channel (garlic and onion with potato and rosemary. Among others. He seems to be on a rosemary kick). Oh,yes and airplane jello. Kosher gelatin in a big parfait cup (which we happened to have in the tub to play with - it's a deep red plastic, so anything in it looks like jello) with two airplanes for crunchiness. MMMM. Crunchy airplanes.
Also dialogue in the bathtub (well, technically a monologue, since he was the only speaker, but it sounds like there's more than one speaker in his head):
Is there a jet inside you(asked the helicopter to the tractor truck)?
Yes.
No there isn't.
Then why did you ask?
I suppose he *might* have learned that at school. I would never say anything like that, would I?
current mood: amused
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7:43 am - Obstacles
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My (4.5 year old) DS entered the house the other day walking sort of crabwise. He had his legs bent at 90 degree angles and was walking sideways along. I couldn't figure out what he was doing so I asked him. His response? I don't like it when my obstacles stick to my legs; they're all flat and I'm trying to get them unstuck.
This is a guy thing I think.
DH says it means his undies are too tight. I'm tempted not to get him new ones just so he'll keep talking about his obstacles, which seems exactly right to me.
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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11:58 pm - yes, I can. Yes, We could, yes, we did!
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11:21 pm - Is it too early to feel hopeful?
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Can I also hope for a democratic taking over of congress...thorough enough to make sure change actually can happen?
current mood: hopeful
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| Sunday, November 2nd, 2008
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10:18 pm - post-halloween humor
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We don't observe Halloween in our house. We have another religion that we follow and so we don't go out trick-or-treating (Plus, we have another holiday later in the year that involves dressing up and copious amounts of food give-aways. Plus theatre!). However, I personally have nothing against other people trick-or-treating, so I dutifully stock up on treats to give away, just as I did at home when I was little.
My DS is 4, and in previous years when he was with a babysitter, without asking, said babaysitter took him out trick-or-treating with her son. Since he was little and in good hands, and since, let's faceit, while it's not my holiday, as holidays go, it's not all that religious, I didn't make much of a fuss about it. THis year, we had offered to have said babysitter's child come to play after trick-or treating (without us) in our neighborhood, but we didn't manage to work it out and they didn't come.
Moreover, it turns out that although our new neighborhood in general is nuts over Halloween, the street we live on, which isn't a cul-de-sac, but is not exactly a main thoroughfare and is at the edge of the development, doesn't get much child traffic, so we were left, at around 8-ish with a lot of candy that I didn't want. I thus offered the DS, that if he wanted to go out (sans costume) we could go visit all our neighbors and offer them candy (treats! no tricks!). He agreed to this, and so we began wandering around our neighbor hood with the bag of candy. At first this worked well, however, he is four, and it seems that all those funny decorations that weren't especially scary during the day, were very scary at night, what put us over the top, however was a house where there was a smoke-machine, with bubbles filled with some of the smoke, a scary fake pumpkin in the window, and a trick-or-treater dressed as a skeleton with a rubber red devil skull head mask. At that point, he basically screamed and cried and said we had to cross the street and go home. Okay, so far not funny.
But as we began walking home offering candy only to neighbors who had regular lit up - but not decorated- doors, I asked him why he was so scared by things he had seen during the day walking around, and whether they were scarier at night. His response (unrelated, I must add, to any costume we had seen that evening, which mostly ran to skeletons and princesses with fairy wings)? "Sarah Palin is coming to get me!"
current mood: amused
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| Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
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7:32 am - recently seen image
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